I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
