oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
