He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dicks are not precious.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
