So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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