he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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