so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
