i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
