the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
