it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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