Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
