I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
