Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
