Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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