it hurts more in the daytime
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
