we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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