i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
