Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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