You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
