dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize