..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
