After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
