Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
