I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
