Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
