I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
