I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
