Nicole vs. Life
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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