You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
