I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
