Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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