chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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