You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
