she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
