shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
