I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
