I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
