yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
