I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
