Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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