So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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