im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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