1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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