I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
