ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
