some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
