This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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