I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
