so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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