when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
