Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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