I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
