it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
