Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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