but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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