Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
