did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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