Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
