I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
