Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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