If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
