somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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