never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
