that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
