ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sobbing to NWA
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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