I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
as a side note pls kill me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
